Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  September 9, 2011 12:00am-1:05am EDT

12:00 am
>> jimmy: the president said we need to have more products stamped "made in america." which -- all right. let's get the chinese to get a stam that says that. >> dicky: khloe kardashian odom. >> smell my chest. >> jimmy: smells good. >> dicky: ron artest.. >> jimmy: are you a good dancer? >> i'm very classy. >> dicky: and music by gabe dixon. >> jimmy: why is e [ indistinct talking on radio ]
12:01 am
[ tires screech ] [ crying ] [ applause ] [ laughs ] [ tires screech ] [ male announcer ] your life will have to flash by even faster. autodrive brakes on the cadillac srx activate after rain is detected to help improve braking performance. we don't just make luxury cars. we make cadillacs.
12:02 am
>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a message about this, season four of "the big bang theory." it's available on blu-ray and dvd starting september 13th, with all 24 episodes of the fourth season and a bunch of funny extras. this set is so jam-packed, unfortunately there wasn't room for this scene, featuring the debut of a new character that i personally throat was terrific. >> sheldon, you going to join us? >> my name is not sheldon, it is guillermo-bot. hola to you, nerd people. >> greetings, whatever the hell u are. >> i am half-robot, half-mexican. i like to watch you on tv and now you are watching me on tv. that is so funny, isn't it? laughter ]
12:03 am
tough crowd. i hope i don't get cut from the dbd. >> dicky: own season 4 of "the big bang theory" on blu-ray and dvd on september 13th. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with ron artest, music from gabe dixon and khloe kardashian odom. automatic transmission that changes gears so efficiently... uauaud you get up to 40 miles per gallon higigay... changing the way we think about...changing gears. the ford focus, with up to 40 miles per gallon, highway.
12:04 am
peyton: that's a or in life, i know quality. best buy: like these big screen sony smart tvs. now peyton, we promise we'll match you with the perfect big screen sony tv. if you don't love it, we'll pick it up and make sure you get the right one. vo: the perfect match tv promise exclusively at best buy. save $600 on a sony smart tv with wifi. only at best buy. learn more at
12:05 am
t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t the new focus can virtually park itself. till you actually see it... park itself. the ford focus with class-exclusive active park assist. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- khloe kardashian odom. from the los angeles lakers and "dancing with the stars," ron artest. and music from gabe dixon. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, where am i? here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ]
12:06 am
>> jimmy: thank you, cleto. hi there. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the thank you for watching. thank you for joining us in person. it's a special night. it possibly the most magical night of the whole year. football is back. a new nfl season started not green bay. the packers played the saints. and i know not everyone follows football. so, let me catch you up. last season, the rams arrived on wisteria lane and moved in next door to the packers who were sleeping with the bears behind the backs of the 49ers but the 49ers came home early and walked in on them doing it. so, they hired the raiders to plant a bag of pot in the packers backpack but they found the pot and bought a gun to try to shoot the niners but they shot the panthers instead, and that's where we stand right now. [ applause ] there was a lot of drama.
12:07 am
the return of football is very exciting. partly because of the "are you ready for some football" song. when i hear it, i know that i am. i wish i could get that excited all the time as i do when i hear the song. i wish our staff could get that excited about coming into work all the time. so, i asked my brother to dress up like hank williams jr. and get a guitar and just go around the office, just to try to get things going. >> are you ready for security? ♪ are you gonna protect us ♪ you're just sitting h here eating soup ♪ ♪ not making a big fuss ♪ are you ready for reception ♪ are you answering the phones now ♪ ♪ stop overreacting and be professional in your job now ♪ ♪ are you ready for some wardrobe ♪ ♪ you guys are dressing all the people ♪ ♪ are you ready for
12:08 am
post-production ♪ ♪ are you logging all the tapes now ♪ ♪ are you ready for some administrative assistant ♪ ♪ are you gonna have a party ♪ woo sorry ♪ are you ready for some ad integration meetings ♪ ♪ are you ready to make some money now ♪ ♪ you got the projector up and it's all going to get loaded up now ♪ ♪ are you going to the bathroom ♪ ♪ are you inside the toilet ♪ yeah ♪ you're making real bad smells ♪ ♪ and i feel like i'm gonna vomit ♪ >> there you go, friend. god bless you. ♪ ♪ are you red -- are you ready for some hosting ♪ ♪ are you ready to tell some jokes ♪ ♪ you got all sorts of people in the audience there ♪
12:09 am
♪ >> jimmy: you look like a moron. >> sorry about that. let you get back to your thing. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's what's going on here. that went on for hours. maybe we should have dressed him like faith hill instead. it seems like latelel fantasy football has become even more popular than football itself. every straight guy i know is in at least one fantasy football league. it's the grown-up version of having imaginary friends th sfr. it takes up lot of time but it's become a big part of the experience. this morning, "the early show" had a story on the impact this hobby is having on the spouses that love it. >> josh and iella have been married for three years. but josh says that's only because he laid down the rules early. >> i informed her that sundays, all day, you can do what you want but i'm out.
12:10 am
monday nights, i'm out. and towards the end of the season, thursday nights and saturday nights at well. >> like plenty of others, she had to adjust to her husband's strange seasonal behavior. >> honestly, you know, at the end of the day, i'm okay with it. i just [ bleep ] the pizza delivery guy. >> quite a story. >> to say the least. >> jimmy: to say the least indeed. president obama addressed a joint session of congress tonight and the focus was on jobs. obama was supposed to give the speech last night but house speaker john boehner asked him to move it to tonight so it wouldn't interfere with the republican presidential debate which is code for my weekly appointment at mystic tan. he likes to glow when congress comes back in session. cnn zeroed in on boehner before the speech started. you can see here, these guys are very, very focused on the challenges at hand.
12:11 am
>> the president tonight is going to lay out a very portant jobs program. >> there they are, the vice president and the speaker. let's listen in a little bit. >> you know, it's in the middle. it's one of the hardest golf courses you'll ever see. seven birdies, five bogeys. >> jimmy: whoa! wow. you guys really are just as boring as we imagined you would be. the plan obama detailed is a $450 billion piece of legislation he's calling the american jobs act. he plans to create thousands of new jobs by replacing all automobile gps systems with real people who sit in the backseat with a map. so that will be good. and then he told everyone to rent "the pursuit of happiness" and just do what will smith did. i don't know why everyone is hung up on getting a job. jobs suck. you have to wake up early. you have to work. isn't it better to be able to stay up until 4:30 in the
12:12 am
morning watching reruns of "sanford and son" on tv land? trust me, it is. the president said, we need to have more products stamped "made in america." which, all right, let's get the chinese to get a stamp that says "made in america." [ laughter ] normally when the president gives a big speech like this, a member of the opposing party gives a rebuttal immediately afterward. but the republicans chose not to do that tonight. which, nancy pelosi was upset by -- she called it disrespectful to the president. how dare you not attack the guy support on national tv after he's'sone talking. but a handful of republicans said they are going to skip obama's speech altogether. one of them was david vitter. he was upset because they didn't give him a plus-one for his hooker, and that isn't right. and south carolina senator jim demint said he would skip the speech because he's, quote, sick and tired of speeches. i guess he's in the perfect line of work then. unfortunately for them, senate majority leader harry reid
12:13 am
scheduled votes for before and after the speech so they were forced to show up and sit through it. but that did not mean they were forced to listen. >> i'm well aware that there are many republicans that don't believe we should raise taxes on those who are most fortunate and can best afford it. >> can't hear you! >> la la la -- >> we're not listening. >> blah blah blah blah. >> jimmy: at least they're being mature about it. [ laughter ] the republican candidates for president debated here in california last night at the ronald reagan library. the debate was -- it was a littleleit of a circus. michele bachmann, any time she was asked a direct question, it looked like she had been hip know tilzed by a gypsy. the candidates attacked each other a lot last night. there was one thing they agreed on, and that was it. >> we can creree jobs. >> we created more jobs. >> we created more jobs. >> all the jobs we created. >> we were the number one job creator.
12:14 am
>> jobs created. >> creating jobs. >> create jobs. >> created jobs. >> created jobs. >> create jobs. >> create jobs. >> job consideratireation. >> job creation. >> you did a great job of creating jobs. >> jimmy: there you go. [ applause ] you have to turn that into a drinking game. [ laughter ] elsewhere in reality television, there was a new episode of "toddlers and tiaras" last night. i love the show. i shouldn't, but i do. the parents spend weeks and months and thousands of dollars training and spray painting their daughters for these ridiculous competitions and then the kids get up on stage and behave like kids. >> please welcome contestant number 11, bristol! [ crying ] >> oh, my god.
12:15 am
>> i put so much hard work into this and for somebody to scare the baby before she goes on stage, that's just ridiculous. >> who the hell wears a wolf costume at a pageant? >> jimmy: that's actually a pretty good question. that mask would make me cry. there's another new reality show i just found out about today this is on vh1. i think i might have to watch this, too. it's called "ton of cash" and the concept is, the con tense tants can win a million dollars if they can carry a ton of cash, 2,000 pounds of money, from l.a. to las vegas without losing any of it. which, you'd need some pretty massive cargo shorts to do that. but this is a contestant named johnny. he lost a puzzle challenge and got eliminated. but despite that, his spirit would not be broken. >> nothing hits harder than life.
12:16 am
but it ain't about how hard you hit. it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. okay? and don't be pointing fingers saying, i'm not wearing it because of him or her or anybody. cowards do that and that ain't you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i tell you -- [ applause ] if he was a dog, they'd put him down. i have to say -- this new "planet of the apes" movie is so realistic. there was a bomb threat at a local high school here in california yesterday. the threat was made by a guy in the navy. the authorities believed he might have had a connection to a student atat the school.
12:17 am
ktla reporter chris wolf was on the scene to interview the high school students but hehe forgot the first rule of reporting, which is, never interview high school students. >> did they know of any girls that maybe dated marares? >> it's a strong responsibility, certainly, and i did ask that question to the officials, the investigators. they said right now they just have no idea if you like, we can ask right here. have you heard about the students here dating marines -- >> our friend jackie moore. >> okay, no names, please, no names. >> jimmy: sorry, jackie. that, by the way, is exactly what i would have done at that age. or at this age, for that matter. besides bomb tlepts, the biggest danger to american students right now is school lunch. you can't trust a pizza made by a woman in a hair net. you just can't if you live in l.a. and you are wondering what you're going to have lunch
12:18 am
tomorrow, here now with the menu for the l.a. unified school district, our good friend cory, the guy who plays chewbacca on hollywood boulevard. >> here's today's lunch menu. number one on the list is the beef soft taco. i don't eat beef anymore because, like, i know this kid who, i'm pretty sure, like, he got infected with mad cow disease and it took him, like, seven years before he knew he was inticketed. like, he's been infected for, like, seven years and now he's just going crazy from the mad cow disease. so, now i just eat, like, chicken, because there's no chicken cow disease. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i didn't know there was no chicken cow disease. there's a new episode of "jersey shore" tonight on mtv. this season has been -- you'd think they could not top the last one but -- i don't know how they've done it. next season they should have a
12:19 am
baby. you know when a monkey has a baby, everyone crowds the zoo and goes nuts. snooki should have a baby. wouldn't that be cute? in tonight's episode, pauly and vinnie put on a comedyy show, which -- isn't all of jer "jersey shore" a comedy show? i have to say, while they've been in italy the cast members have been surprisingly good ambassadors for the united states. >> can you cover your body please when you come in front of a church? >> shut up. [ bleep ]. >> the breathe was like, cover up when you come to my church. he basically just called me a whore. did you hear that? what? >> can you cover your body up when you walk next to a church. >> who said that? >> the [ bleep ] priest. >> wow. >> my church, they'd be like, oh, nice outfit. god made my [ bleep ]. >> what are you talking about? >> god didn't make mine. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: honest.
12:20 am
god did make the silicone they're filled with. snooki had a very bad week. on top of cursing outside a church she got in a fight with her boyfriend on the telephone. then, she got so depressed, the rest of the girls had to have an intervention. now, we took the audio from that and we combined it with video from the old cartoon "josie and the pussy cats. not" that you can do anything to improve "jersey shore," but i think it's more fun like this. >> hello? >> hi, babe. i just want to tell you that you are the best guy i ever met. you make me happy. you make me laugh and i want to touch your butt. >> oh, my god. you're so stupid. you really are. >> i'm sorry. i'm sorry. that's me. i'm sorry, that's me. >> you're saying stupid stuff. >> i'm getting off the phone. bye. >> he's making nicole depressed. before this, we truly liked him. >> we're about to intervene your
12:21 am
ass. >> i'm not addicted to heroin. i'm just addicted to my boyfriend's penis. that's all. [ applplse ] >> jimmy: first step is realizing you have a problem. dena has to lay off the tanner. we have a good shoho for you tonight. los angeles laker and future dancing star ron artest is here. we have music from gabe dixon and we'll be right back with khloe kardashian odom, so stick around. [ male announcer ] applebee's 2 for $20 is back and fresher than ever. so, dave, you and the wife at separate tables now? honey, it's my 2 for $20 club night. i think it's my 2 for $20 club night. [ male announcer ] so grab your 2 for $20 club and savor inspired new favoritete like tender chicken fettuccine carbonara and garden-fresh bruschetta chicken. or go for a classic like our 7 oz. house sirloin. that's one appetizer, two entrees, just 20 bucks.
12:22 am
mom? dad? [ male announcer ] it's the freshest 2 for $20 yet. only at applebee's. now serving half-price appetizers late night. only at applebee's. ♪ untamed fruit flavor. jolly rancher.
12:23 am
what percent of women want to cure their yeast infection? one hundred. how many can cure it with vagisil? zero. monistat both relieves your symptoms and cures the infection. get the cure. get monistat.
12:24 am
12:25 am
12:26 am
[ cellphone plays song ] holla... [ buddy ] g-dogg. what's up? you know me, right now i'm just kickin' it. tell me you caught the game last night? huh... yeah...e you caught the game last night? yeah i caught the game. how 'bout that third quarter call? are you kidding me? yeah, come on, that was awesome! oh, and that hit on willilis? did you see that? yeah, he's done for the season. ahh...i gotta bounce. [ baby coos ] i got this. [ male announcer ] only at&t's network lets your iphone talk and surf at the same time. at&t. before i started taking abilify, i was taking an antidepressant alone. most days i could put on a brave face and muddle through. but other days i still struggled with my depression. i was managing, but it always had a way of creeping up on me.
12:27 am
i felt stuck. i just couldn't shake my depression. so i talked to my doctor. he said adding abilify to my antidepressant could help with my depression, and that some people had symptom improvement as early as 1 to 2 weeks. he also told me about a free trial offer from abilify! now i feel more in control of my depression. [ male announcer ] abilify is not for everyone. call your doctor if your depression worsens or if you have unusual changes in behavior, or thoughts of suicide. antidepressants can increase these in children, teens and young adults. elderly dementia patients taking abilify have an increased risk of death or stroke. call your doctor if you have high fever, stiff muscles and confusion to address a possible life-threatening condition. or if you have uncontrollable muscle movements, as these could become permanent. high blood sugar has been reported with abilify and medicines like it. in some cases, extreme high blood sugar can lead to coma or death. other risks include decreases in white blood cells, which can be serious, dizziness upon standing, seizures, trouble swallowing, and impaired judgment or motor skills.
12:28 am
depression used to define me, then my doctor added abilify to my antidepressant. now, i feel better. [ male announcer ] if you're still struggling with depression talk to your doctor to see if the option of adding abilify is right for you. and be sure to ask about the free trial offer. ifwith new sauces likeg abilify roasted mushroom parmesan and hearty pizzaiola meat. choose as many sauce and pasta combinations as often as you want. plus unlimited salad and breadsticks all for just $8.95. only at olive garden.
12:29 am
12:30 am
can the aetna app make you healthier? well, that all depends on what you do with it. and there's an awful lot you can do with it. access your medical history, view claims, get reminders for mammograms, find in-network doctors, track your health goals... run with it. i got my cholesterol down. i lost five pounds. [ female announcer ] see for yourself, aetna. know more. get better. >> jimmy: well, hello there. tonight on the program, from the los angeles lakers, starting september 19th, you can see him doing the cha cha, the rumba and maybe even the macarara. i don't know if they do that. a guy who -- he's planning to legally change his name to metta world peace. so, making his last appearance as ron artest, ron artest is
12:31 am
here. i guess the story is, he tried to change his name a couple of months ago but he went to the courthouse and they wouldn't let him because of unpaid parking tickets. we'll get to the bottom of that. and then with music from this, his new album, it's called "one spark," gabe dixon from the bud light stage with dan wilson. tomorrow night, kristin chenoweth will be here to chat and sing. and from the very popular youtube channel freddiew, freddie wong and brandon laatsch. so please join us for that. our first guest tonight and her like-lettered siblings have conquered tv, tabloids, twitter, and now, your dy. the kardashian kollection, that's collection with a "k" is available in sears stores nationwide. please say hello to clee wee kardashian odom. [ cheers and applause ]
12:32 am
>> jimmy: very good to see you. how is life? >> good, how are you? >> jimmy: how are your husband doing? he doesn't have to work now to because of the nba lockout. >> i know. i love it. i love when he's at home. >> jimmy: he's laying around the house do you keep the cameras in the house when he's sitting there alone? >> no, i don't knwant to know wt he's doing. he called me a moment ago, he said his name is craig, i want to promote a proroct for sexual enhancement pills -- he's now pretending -- that's how much time he has. >> jimmy: making prank calls. >> i don't know if you heard of caller i.d. >> jimmy: he's making very poorly thought-out prank calls. and is your brother still living with you? >> no, he moved out, which -- i was so hard on him and i really thought i would love that he moved out but i actually cried. >> jimmy: you did?
12:33 am
>> and lamar was like, we could keep his room the same and we didn't change the furniture and rob was like, do you want your key back, i was like, keep the key. have pool parties here. you wouldn't let me have one whore bag come over here and now you want me to have pool parties? >> jimmy: it seemed last time -- >> i hated him before. >> jimmy: yeah. >> him and lamar are friends with each other. so now -- now he's gone. >> jimmy: now he has no one to hang out with. probably better. you don't want hinge bringing whore bags over -- >> he goes to club and texts me at midnight. he's like, can my girlfriend over? just because you -- i have a rule. only girlfriends can come over, not just random girls. that doesn't make her your girlfriend. you can't bring her home from the club and say that's my girlfriend. >> jimmy: yeah. i think you're right on that. >> i could always say no.
12:34 am
i moved out so i could have girls over. >> jimmy: that's probably a good thing. now, wait a minute, he's supposed to be training for "dancing with the stars" right now. so, he's still going out late and hanging out -- >> i don't know what he does anymore. i do not know. but i heard he was slacking off. kim told me. and so we called cheryl burke his partner and we were like, interrogating her. he's doing really well. i do know that he's obsessed with ron artest -- >> jimmy: ron is competing against him. >> duh. and any y rson would think, like, don't -- hehe -- ron is my best friend, i love him. today he was like, why are you on jimmy kimmel, who are you with, and i said, ron artest. he was like, i would have came. with ronon ron is a competitor. he does this for a living. >> jimmy: you think he's trying to shanghai your brother? >> not right now. ron is going to be, at the end, like, i'm in it to win it. ron's not there to be buddy buddy with rob.
12:35 am
ron will spike rob's drink. >> jimmy: didn't you and lamar meet at a party ron had? >> yeah, ron had a welcome to l.a. party and i was hosting it and that was -- i met him august 27th of 2009 and i got married september 27th. >> jimmy: who will lamar be rooting for? your b bther or his teammate? >> that's a good question. i don't even know if lamar knows -- >> jimmy: he probably doesn't care at all. >> i don't think lamar knows -- like, lamar does not really watch tv. he's like, i don't know what -- >> jimmy: how was the wedding of the century? >> the royal wedding? >> jimmy: did it go well? >> it did. kim was really calm the day of her wedding which was good because she was crazy the month before. >> jimmy: did you invite a videographer. did you get somebody there -- >> there was a few. >> jimmy: oh, good. >> every single day leading up to the wedding. >> jimmy: you were the matron of
12:36 am
honor? that means you're married, right? >> matron makes me sound so loud. i like maid of honor. i wanted to be called maid. >> jimmy: maid sounds like you should have to clean up after the wedding. >> but i like cleaning. i like it. >> jimmy: were you the only maid or matron of honor or whatater -- did you share that duty with your cyster? >> kourt and i shared because she and kim shared for mine. >> jimmy: who is in charge for the bachelorette party? >> kourtney and i both were. but kim is, like, terrified of anything penis related in public. >> jimmy: same here. >> are you? yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i have that same fear. >> then you don't want me to throw your bachelorette party. and kim said, one rule, there cannot be any penises. we were like. we're going to have it in l.a. as soon as she changed it in vegas, i said, okay, i can change it to penises.
12:37 am
so, , went ahead of everyone and i set up the room. i had six-foot blowup penises. i went crazy. and i dressed up as a fireman stripper, whatever. because she said no strippers but if i was one, it doesn't matter. >> jimmy: so, did you hire any strippers? >> no, i was the stripper. >> jimmy: you were the stripper. >> for her. >> jimmy: did you? >> because incest is best with each other. >> jimmy: yeah. that seems like -- yeah. going to be a letdown if your sister is yoyo stripper, man or woman. probably especially in you're a man. [ laughter ] was it a good party? was it successful? >> for us, kourtney and i, we really relished -- she almost cried because she was so -- all of her friends thought it was funny and she was like -- she was about to cry. i hate you guys. we're like, come on. they did that for me at mine. >> jimmy: you ruined her bachelorette party. that's nice. did you walk around the casino
12:38 am
with the lifesavers stuck to you? >> i had straws and whistles i brought to the -- >> jimmy: is there a penis supply warehouse? >> you have no idea how hard this was for me to find. >> jimmy: where did you find it? >> at -- shoot. there's -- >> jimmy: not at sears, right? >> not at sears. they don't have that stuff. maybe kardashian kollection could come out with -- >> jimmy: do you really shop at sears? washer and dryers, but now for clothing. this is the sears catalog. you are selling clothing and you are also -- you have an exciting line of riding lawn mowers and snow throwers, too. >> that is so sexy. i wasn't in that design meeting. >> jimmy: the kardashman collection. and how is the perfume doing? we threw it off a building and it turns out it is not unbreakable. in fact, it's quite --
12:39 am
>> jimmy: bre >> breakable. i'm wearing it right now. do you want to smell me? smell my chest. >> jimmy: smells like penises. >> that's lamar's input. >> jimmy: must be all the props. >> that was lamar's involvement in the fragrance. >> jimmy: hey, when ron comes out here -- i think ron a couple times ago came out in his underpants -- >> i spoke to him about that. >> jimmy: would you like to stay? >> i said, listen, i will only stay if you leave your clothes on. and if you take your clothes off, you're going to have to deal with lamar. he said, i promise you, i want you to stay and, so, if he has no clothes on i'm walking off. what am i going to do? >> jimmy: i know. we've learned yououe very demure. >> i've seen enough penises.
12:40 am
>> jimmy: okay, well, khloe kardashian odom is here. unbreakable is the perfume, the kardashian kollection is now available at sears. we'll be right back with ron artest. i love this time of year but my nose doesn't. it gets stuffed up and that means i stay up all night. good mornings? not likely! i've tried the pills, the sprays even some home remedies. then i tried something new. [ male announcer ] drug-free breathe right nasal strips. [ woman ] you just put it on and...amazing! instant relief. i i reathed better, slept bette. and woke up ready to face a fresh new day. [ male announcer ] get 2 free strips at it's my right to breathe right! [ whistle blows ] [ squishing ] [ male announcer ] pool filled with caramel. not as good as chocolate filled with caramel. milky way simply caramel. life's better the milky way.
12:41 am
[ male announcer ] only rogaine® foam is shown to regrow hair in 85% of guys. i'm like, "hey look at me. it's working." [ male announcer ] go to and you can get " a 4-month supply of rogaine® for just $59.95. order in the next 10 minutes and get free shipping!
12:42 am
12:43 am
♪ ♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] coca-cola glasses are at mcdonald' [ femaleone free withcoca-cola every large extra value meal... like the one-of-a-kind big mac. the simple joy of seeing things in a whole new light. ♪
12:44 am
i would like a decaf 360 calories please and a piece of the 440 calories. and for you? i'll have a triple iced 410 calories please. you want the 40 whipped calories on that? uh, you know what... i'll have this instead. [ female announcer ] swap one thing a day for a yoplait light. with 33 flavors all around a hundred calories, a swap a day adds up to amazing. join us on facebook and start swapping.
12:45 am
tatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatu to a wifi hotspot. and then there are cars that can become a wifi hotspot. the ford focus with the industry-first sync with myford touch. with new sauces like roasted mushroom parmesan and hearty pizzaiola meat.
12:46 am
choose as many sauce and pasta combinations as often as you want. plus unlimited salad and breadsticks all for just $8.95. only at olive garden. no thanks, man, my stride gum still has flavor. ♪ [ woman screams ] ♪ ugh! aah! [ male announcer ] upgrade to stride 2.0. or we'll do it for you. not bad for a rookie. just drive, shaun. [ tires screeching ] [ male announcer ] stride 2.0. the ridiculously upgraded, ridiculously long lasting gum. fffffffficiency,er ] stride 2.0. its profile is sculpted for optimal aerodynamics....
12:47 am
it reduces wind resistance, in an irrestible sort of way. the ford focus with up to 40 miles per gallon highway.
12:48 am
12:49 am
>> jimmy: well, hello there. we're back. khloe kardashian odom is with us. still to come, gabe dixon will be here. over the past six years, many great athletes have competed on "dancing with the stars," but none as much fun as our next guest. on september 19th, he takes the floor in giant sequined pants on "dancing with the stars." from your los angeles lakers, please welcome ron artest. [ cheers and applause ]
12:50 am
[ cheers and applause ] >> i'm sorry to embarrass you. >> you're not. just keep your clothes on and we're good. i don't care what else you do. >> jimmy: you are almost daring -- >> give it up. you have the shot shoes on. you talk about swag. she got swag with extra g. >> jimmy: what's going on with you? what is your name now? is it okay to call you ron? >> i don't really know yet. >> jimmy: you don't know? >> i got to pay some parking
12:51 am
tickets. >> jimmy: you want down to the courthouse to change your name to metta world peace. >> hold up. parking thicket ining tickets. >> jimmy: did you pay them? >> i don't know how. >> jimmy: didn't they tell you, just write them a check. >> it's hard. >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> i don't read. i'm a math major. >> you don't read? >> no. not even during the big -- >> couldn't someone read it for you? >> they could have. >> jimmy: so, you have not paid them yet? how much do you owe? >> some of them tickets are not mine. they're my friend's, i refuse to pay. >> jimmy: good start. >> i looked in my glove compartment, i had three -- >> i've been down this road before. >> jimmy: you just don't pay them -- >> we pay them. >> who paid for him? >> we do, but the friends -- >> can you pay for me? >> i'll pay -- robert can pay for you. >> okay. >> jimmy: you know what, actually, ron, if you change
12:52 am
your name to jimmy kimmel's pal metta world peace, i will pay all your parking tickets. [ applause ] why -- why metta world peace? >> because i have children and children all around the world and there is war all around the world. and it's time to change the game up a little bit. >> jimmy: what about metta. what does that mean? >> it makes no sense. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. no, metta -- it actually makes sense. i means love, friendship. >> jimmy: your daughter is here, acacally. there is your daughter right there. she's very cute. what's your daughter's name? >> her name is diamond and she's a khloe groupie. >> jimmy: do you like the idea of your name changing his name to metta world peace.
12:53 am
and will you last name become world peace, too? >> yes. >> jimmy: and you like that? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: good. did he talk to you about this before hand? >> no. >> jimmy: and if he changes it again, will you chaung it again? >> yes. >> jimmy: okay. all right. well, that's good. your family's on board with it. >> yeah, diamond! >> jimmy: what will it say on your jersey? >> world peace. >> jimmy: it will? >> yes. >> jimmy: they have to put it on there if you change your name legally. >> yes. >> jimmy: wow. this could open up some endorsement opportunities, by the way. >> that's not what i'm promoefting here. >> jimmy: i know but it's what i'm promoefting. >> thank you. we go half and half. >> jimmy: why not? you are going to be dancing on "dananng with the stars." >> i will be dancing. >> jimmy: are you a good dancer? >> i'm very classy. i'm a pinch of salt type of guy. >> jimmy: cloukhloe said you ar been getting her brother drunk and keeping him out late at night.
12:54 am
>> yeah, me and rob have been going out and we have thihi weid way of rehearsing in the club. >> jimmy: together? >> oh, my god. >> in strip clubs. >> sorry diamond. >> jimmy: yeah, sorry diamond. >> we rehearse with poems. and we -- >> you and him are on poles? i don't want to know these thinings. but i don't think "dancing with the stars" is going to have you guys on poles. >> jimmy: i don't think they are. >> nothing to do with the dancing. >> jimmy: you already stripped on television enough. what will happen if the nba season comes back and you're still dancing? >> i'm going to dance on the basketball court in staples center. >> jimmy: so, you will drop out of "dancing with the stars" -- >> i will try to do both. >> jimmy: you will try -- you are not going to -- >> i'm bring my partner with me, we'll dance -- >> jimmy: the lakers will love that. i want to ask you about something because you had an exciting life event. you got to meet -- you mentioned on this show once, celine dion, your favorite singer, which
12:55 am
seems unusual to me. you went to las vegas and did you call in advance, say, hey, i'm coming or did she see you blocking everyone's view in the audience? >> we had a party in vegas and i see this picture of a beautiful la lady. i drove up to cesar's palace, i said, excuse me, here's my number, tell somebody i want to see the show and bell guy calls me back, says, hey, tickets are $250. loser, that's too much. >> you can't pay for parking tickets let alone those tickets. >> jimmy: exactly. >> we're on the same page. and somebody calls me back, says, she wants to meet you, because she saw you on jimmy kimmel. and i was -- >> jimmy: you went to the show? and you tweet eed throughout th show. i'm at celine dion concert. me and my boys, wow. she said she loved my jimmy kimmel show when i had my beard on. wow, she's about to sing "tit "titan "titanic."
12:56 am
wow, stevie wonder came out. she mama me and all my thug friends cry with the french song. she cried. wow. she mugged me. now, let me just say, we have a picture of you and your friends. which one of your friends were crying? >> okay, the one in the front, lawrence, him, he was crying. >> jimmy: he was crying? >> the guy in the back almost cried. >> jimmy: he almost cried? >> yep, him. the guy in the white shirt, he was high, so, he didn't know. [ laughter ] and then the other guy, lucky, he cried. everybody cried. >> jimmy: she made lucky cry! [ applause ] >> jimmy: wow, that must have been a sight to see. and you actually cried. during the "titanic" song? >> i'm about to get two tears tattooed. >> jimmy: don't do that. do not get celine dion tattoos. >> don't test him because he will get the tattoo.
12:57 am
>> jimmy: i'm sure you would. but it's a very bad idea. when do you think the name change will happen? >> um -- >> jimmy: before "dancing with the stars"? >> the 16th, it's going to happen. >> jimmy: of what month? >> on september. >> jimmy: so ron artest will not be on "dancing with the stars," metta world peace will be. and you are going to get the parking tickets cleared up? i can help you with that. i can show you how to write a check. >> i bought, like, ten cans of -- ten -- body sprays of khloe and lamar's body sprays. >> jimmy: it's a perfume. unbreakable, you mean. >> unbreakable. >> he gets 10% o oall sales. thth's why he does this. >> i didn't have enough to pay for the parking tickets. >> jimmy: i see. maybe you can enchant the parking -- >> maybe lamar can pay for me. >> jimmy: maybe he will. well, it's great to see you. i cannot wait to see you dancing. that's a live television show. this network could possibly get shut down. >> i'll be in the audience,
12:58 am
cheering for your brother or -- >> i have to support rob but metta gets a little silence support. >> jimmy: very good. ron artest, everybody. "dancing with the stars" premieres monday, september 19th. thank you, khloe for being here, too. we'll be right back with music from gabe dixon. [ agent ] so your policy looks good, is there anything else? why did you buy my husband a falcon? thanks for the falcon. i didn't buy anyone a falcon. sure, you did. you saved us a lot of money on auto insurance. i used that money to buy a falcon. ergo, you bought me a fafalcon. i should've got a falcon. most people who switch to statfarm save on average about $480.
12:59 am
what they do with it, well, that's their business. oh, that explains a lot, actually. [ chuckles ] [ male announcer ] another reason eople swit to state farm. aw, i could've gotten a falcon. [ male announcer ] get to a betr state. [ falcon screeches ]
1:00 am
1:01 am
>> jimmy: this is the new album. it's called "one spark." here with the song "my favorite," gabe dixon and dan wilson. ♪ ♪ my favorite song is the one i write for you it's the one i haven't finished yet ♪ ♪ i hope i never do my favorite words are the ones you say to me gentle as a summer breeze ♪ ♪ certain as the sea
1:02 am
and i haven't found the perfect way to show you how i feel ♪ ♪ but i'll try and try again until i do my favorite my favorite you ♪ ♪ my favorite night is the one that's just ahead i can hardly wait to lie beside you in our bed ♪ ♪ my favorite life is the one that we have made together now we're intertwined ♪ ♪ with every passing day and i haven't found the perfect way
1:03 am
to show you how i feel ♪ ♪ but i'll try and try forever till i do your eyes that shine i knew from the first time ♪ ♪ my favorite my favorite your smile your tears ♪ ♪ all your dreams and fears my favorite my favorite you my favorite game to play ♪ ♪ is wondering what's there inside your mind i play it every day i hope i'm getting better ♪ ♪ even more than that i hope i get to play it
1:04 am
for a long long time and i haven't found ♪ ♪ the perfect way to show you how i feel but i'll try and try forever till i do ♪ ♪ your laugh your sigh the way you say good-bye my favorite ♪ ♪ my favorite your eyes that shine i knew from the first time my favorite ♪ my favorite you ♪


info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on